Mr Brocklebank's World Wide Web Log

WHILE promenading in the city, Mr Brocklebank was button-holed by an over-excited visitor, his faced etched with impatience, who shouted: “I’ve been sold this ticket by Ryanair to come to the city of culture and it’s the city of holes.”

WRITER Fay Weldon has told on her friend and Crosby’s greatest living novelist, Dame Beryl Bainbridge.

FOR a city council which routinely pleads poverty, Liverpool showed exceptional generosity in 2006 by spending £200,000 to prop up the historic Georgian terrace of Nos 68, 70 and 72, Seel Street.

NEVER one to exacerbate international diplomatic tension, Mr Brocklebank feels impelled to report that Merseyside sources firmly deny that the Swiss government, on behalf of a Zurich group for height- challenged bankers, is demanding that the four gnomes on the facade of the Hard Day’s Night Hotel should be restored to their rightful place in the Basle Cuckoo Clock, William Tell & Holey Cheese Theme Park.

"The truth of the matter is that these are figures based on a little known troupe of strolling players. Their names are George Harrison, Ringo Starr, Paul McCartney and John Lennon," says an exasperated hotel spokesman, "but I’m beginning to despair of anyone accepting that.

CARS impounded for various road offences are displayed outside Merseyside Police HQ, at Canning Place. Is this the modern equivalent of having the decapitated heads of wrong-doers on poles over the city gates?

MR BROCKLEBANK warmly applauds the stern rebuke delivered to the elders of the Roman Catholic Church, in Liverpool, for their failure to find a fitting use for St Mary of the Angels church, in Fox Street, Everton Brow, from Dr Richard Pollard, of California, great- nephew of White Star Line heiress Amy Elizabeth Imrie, who founded, financed and furnished the church.

IS THE naming of the Bling Building by Grosvenor’s Liverpool One a further distressing lapse into informality – or an example of this city’s celebrated honesty?

WHEN will Merseyrail mugwumps learn the non-arrival of a train is a certain cause of inconvenience to its long-suffering public?

The present mealy-mouthed announcement for the latest failure, as in "Merseyrail would like to apologise for any inconvenience this may cause", is in almost every true circumstance nonsensical.